Engrish in reverse

I love you, Hanzi Smatter.

Words to the unwise:

"New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high." - Bill Maher

Seth MacFarlane and Red vs. Blue agree.

Oh my goodness, I haven't a thing to wear!

Okay, here's the deal. A friend has invited me to his Halloween party. Costume party, o'course. A theme costume party, and the theme is G.I. Joe.

I never watched G.I. Joe.

Sure, I was aware of it. I'd occasionally see some at friends' houses if I was over, and sometimes caught the "knowing is half the battle" end segments if I tuned in early for whatever show came on next (He-Man? I can't remember). And of course I saw ads for toys all the freaking time. But I never watched it, or paid much attention to the toys. I didn't even know there had been a movie until the advent of the Internet. Consequently, I have no idea who most of them are. Of the Joes I could probably pick Duke, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, and Sgt. Slaughter out of a lineup. From Cobra: Cobra Commander, Destro, Serpentor, and Baroness. And I couldn't really describe them in much detail (except maybe Baroness, whose rendering by BigBigTruck has been etched into my retinas). That's the extent of my knowledge. Well, that and the fact that Cobra Commander hissed "I was once a man!" in the movie, which I think I learned from X-Entertainment.com a few years ago.

So I need help coming up with a G.I. Joe costume. Preferably one made of items that are not difficult or expensive to acquire, and don't require heavy construction.

Doesn't help that I'm really not a costume person (as aurora77 can probably attest; getting me to even wear a pair of devil horns at BoardieCon a few years ago must have been like pulling teeth)